He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
