She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
