just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
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