I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
