some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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