I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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