No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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