See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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