I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
