I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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