Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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