think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
