Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
