You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The best revenge is premature balding
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
