i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
