she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
