hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
