Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
