there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
