No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
