i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
