I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
