So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
