I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
