dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
