plz talk dirty to me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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