Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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