I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
