She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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