Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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