My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
