Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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