Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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