just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
