Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
