I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
