Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
