you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
