The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
