Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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