There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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