I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
