I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
