this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
