I'm so fucking centered right now
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
