I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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