You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
