You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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