Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
