Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
